Date night

Kiss the lips to see who else is being Sinful this Sunday

I’ve been gone from my blog for 10 days, so although this post is all about the picture there are some words alongside.

I started writing in 2017, after my lovely husband sent me to Eroticon. I managed to sustain content for a little while until the first parenting crisis derailed me. My confidence knocked, I pulled myself together and started again in Spring 2018. I lasted until June and more parenting. I’m going to work hard to not be derailed this year, even if sometimes I need to step away to deal with life.

Mr Hunt and I have three children with a variety of additional needs. Parenting crises come with more regularity than the local bus service. We are called to be advocates for activities able people take as right, access to education, to social groups, to sport. For the right to have appropriate support that feels safely staffed in both the individuals we can afford to pay and the appropriate ratios. And then we do all the things normal parents do…

The stress of this on our relationship is immeasurable. We both work from home and yet to communicate we send each other emails. Meeting invitations direct from our calendars to find time when we can speak to each other face to face.

We fight hard to remember the promises we have made each other through the midst of everything. Spoken and unspoken. To love, honour, cherish and obey. In every context.

This week we went to court for the right for our eldest to have an appropriate education. I was away from my blog preparing answers to the 500 pages of evidence the local authority put in place to say why we couldn’t have the placement we wanted. Why he wasn’t that special. I couldn’t afford professional support so we had no new professional evidence of need or a paid solicitor to combat the one the local authority paid to oppose us.

We won. The LA conceeded on everything, which really goes to show we should never have had to fight for it in the first place. We go back to court next month to legally tie down everything agreed and to force health and social work to contribute to planned long term support.

There has been no exuberance. No celebration meal. The result of winning was complete and utter exhaustion.

But last night…

…it takes planning to have an night together. One child at Scout camp, one to a sleep over with another autism mummy, one to the grandparents.

Getting “in the mood” on queue is hard, but these opportunities so rare we can’t waste them either. And what would wasting it look like? Lying on the sofa watching a movie? Falling asleep at 8pm because we can? Failing yet again to give what we perceive we owe our partner?

We plan. It’s not that spontaneous is gone for good, but for now having a plan works best for both of us. So last night was “Staples” for Kink of the Week. Something we’d played with a little before, knew we enjoyed, but really has to be saved for a night like this.

Still, we were tense. Trying to clear the physical space for some play meant picking up a thousand pieces of lego. We snapped at each other trying to get organised. He couldn’t find the ribbon. I wanted to relax into it, but tried to fuss over the details like finding scissors, then gave up, then was cross when he’d forgotten them.

There was no meeting of minds. No way to access the dynamic we both wanted. But he can’t control me like that and I can’t control him.

I can only get to grips with myself and make the offer. Push things from my mind and let the openness to him become the central pillar of thought. Remember, cognitively, that I trust him.

Hope he is going through the same thought process.

Stretched out on the duvet I was closer, but not there. He went through the mechanics of getting ready, some of which I could feel but we didn’t communicate. I really didn’t want those staples. Instead of the beautiful quietness I get from a scene, my head was asking all sorts of logical questions about pain and damage.

This isn’t a matter of responsibility. I could have said nothing and gone with whatever happened. He could have read that I wasn’t feeling it. Perhaps he did. But he knows me. I ideally prefer to push through, rely on discipline. Because the underlying anchor in our lives is that I trust him in all things.

I am frustrated that tonight when I want to demonstrate that trust, I can’t. I have to remind myself it is not a failure to need to stop and talk more. I never feel he’s failed me when he the need is reversed.

His palm cracks down on my backside. Hard. Unexpected. Needed. Again and again. Loud and sharp like a bunch of balloons popping.

His jeans clad thigh pushed roughly between mine, his weight on me.

The harder it is, the more we need to communicate.

I run out of writing here… because the stuff in my head about what happened next can not be tied up in words.

Suffice it to say we found our flow. Our dynamic.

Love, honour, cherish and obey…in all things, always.

A little footnote here is when we were gathering supplies on Saturday evening, the failure to plan hit home. Although we’d known this was coming, neither of us had checked the width of ribbon we needed for the staples, and the only decent lengths we had to hand were left over from the making of our wedding invitations years ago. My dress and veil were stored in the same box…so getting them out for photos just seemed to be the thing to do! But having come to write this piece, it seems an important emphasis on how we focus on each other, how we picture our dynamic and how we operate day to day, whether parenting or playing.

If staples are of interest, please check out my to companion pieces, a fictionalized account Fierce, and A Staple of my Life which has a little more detail. 😉

16 Replies to “Date night”

  1. This a great, honest examination of how “real-life” and the duties that come with it can affect our ability to get in that sexy, playful zone with our partners. When you’re both so tired, and your minds are half-focussed on other things, it’s tempting to just roll over and go to sleep whenever you get a quiet moment alone! I’m pleased that the two of you managed to find your zone eventually. 🌺

    1. Thank you. Finding time and space is something we really had to work at, and that can either make it very special or add to the strain. If we are not working well together then we are not good parents. Sex is, in part, the glue that helps hold us together, but it has to give way for other duties. Much as we might desire something more full time D/s there are too many other distractions and we can’t afford to do it badly and damage our relationship or place further stress or expectation on each other. Although my life is not what I want to read in a novel, I think its important to share that life and love are important however you make them work for you.

  2. I am finally thru to your site! – I will explore it this week while the IP I am on lets me – loved this post – your honesty shines out – and well done for fighting for what you know to be right. We know our children best!

    1. Excellent news that something has happened to open that door. Thankfully, I’ve found it all a little more reliable in the past couple of weeks. I hope you like what you find. x

  3. A really interesting post. Well done on getting your son’s education confirmed. I hope you and your husband have more play time together soon. Xx

  4. I am so glad you had good news and that you got to celebrate a bit with some alone time.

    I love the staples corset, it is sooo pretty.

    Molly

    Ps… Please do link this into Kink of the Week too but you also need to add the kink of the week badge too

  5. I read this with interest because the photo is sooo beautiful (I especially love the first one, the angle and shadows and light make it quite intriguing) and I don’t know much about staples so I was interested to learn … it’s wonderful that you are carving out space to be sexy and connect, or experiment, even when life piles up on you. I’m glad you found your flow.

  6. I am so happy to hear you have won and your child will get what they need and deserve. Good of you to plan in some time to be together, to connect, and thank you for sharing the sexy images!

    Rebel xox

  7. Finding our sexy as parents can be difficult for any couple, and there are nights when I have to just suck it up an plug on through (or we’d never have sex). I admit that you likely have a much more stressful and exhausting parenting life, but I think this post gets at what many of us feel. Sometimes finding each other through the exhaustion is difficult. But it’s necessary for the connection to survive…regardless of bad planning or headaches or fatigue.

  8. Well done for fighting and winning. Takes a lot of guts and I’m sure very stressful times.
    The image is amazing. I know nothing about staples but now want to find out more.
    I would like to know what kind of pain it is, if I could manage it.
    Thank you for sharing x

    1. I’ve written a bit more in my full on KOTW post A Staple of Life… but personally I think staples are not as stingy as you think they’re going to be as long as you control the movement of whichever bits you’ve stapled. For example, I love the look of stapled and ribboned cleavage, but I have always had alternate support in place so the weight of my breasts is not solely on the staples… smaller chest might have helped! Happy Experimenting.

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